my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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