Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
