Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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