hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
