He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
