i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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