Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
