anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
