if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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