Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Randomize
