I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
