I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
