areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
and you fell through a lawn chair
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
