They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
