Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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