OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
