I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
