we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
