Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
The best revenge is premature balding
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
