Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
