I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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