3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
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I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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