I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I think I sprained my soul last night
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
