so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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