At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
