someone owes me an orgasm
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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