super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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