When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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