I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
God, I missed his penis.
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