I am spending my child support on dildos
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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