My underwear smells like fireworks.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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