"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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