my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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