Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
