He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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