2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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