Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
