If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
