i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
