i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
