I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
