he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
