Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
