Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
