My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
