dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Randomize
