There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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