Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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