My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
