You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
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you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
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Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after