I chose taco bell over sex...
ugly people sure do ruin things
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes