he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
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Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
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well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.