and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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