What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
