We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
