Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
