Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
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Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
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I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk