What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Come share oat with me in your robe
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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