She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts