wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
she smelled like a LAN party
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college