People with herpes should wear stickers.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover