She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
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in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
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It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.