Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
