If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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