Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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