You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
