Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
