someone owes me an orgasm
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
