I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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